WARNING: I am not a professional chef. I am not even an amateur chef. I don’t know what I’m doing. This recipe is provided more for entertainment purposes than as a dietary suggestion. If you decide to try it, don’t blame me… but feel free to leave a comment telling me all about your wonderful experience.

I’ve talked a little about weird concoctions of leftovers I’ve decided to eat a couple of times before, but I’ve never provided instructions for making your own. It’s time to rectify that. Welcome to The Carb Scrounger’s Cookbook.

Today, we’re starting off with something that isn’t too weird. Maybe it’s a little weird. I don’t know. I’m just trying to survive in a world full of leftovers and carbohydrates. If you’re like me, and you’re restricted by a consistent carbohydrate total per meal, and you’re also kind of apathetic toward this whole “food” thing, then come, follow my lead. I’ll take you under my wing and teach you everything I know, which is nothing. I know nothing. I’m just throwing stuff together and eating it because it meets my standards. My standards are pretty low.

Creole Shrooms & Bean Sprouts

Total Carbs: 5g

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup mushrooms, sliced (3g carbs)
• 2/3 cup bean sprouts (2g carbs)
• 1/2 cup ground turkey
• Creole seasoning (at your whim)
• Salt and pepper

Directions

First, make sure the ground turkey is already browned or whatever. It should also be salted and peppered. Basically it’s been cooked. It doesn’t have to be hot but like, you should have cooked it by now. I imagine you’re probably taking leftover turkey out of the fridge. You’re not actually preparing new turkey meat for this thing, are you? Gosh, if you are, I’m so proud.

Take the bean sprouts and put them in a bowl. Make sure you get a bunch of that bean sprout liquid in there. We’re going to mix everything into the liquid and then heat it up. I think that will soften up the meat. That’s how it works, right? I have no actual clue. Okay, the bottom line is, there should be a bunch of liquid in there; don’t worry if there’s too much because you can drain some (but not all) of it after the thing is heated up.

By now you should have 2/3 a cup of bean sprouts in a bowl. Now add in the mushrooms and turkey. Put that bowl in the microwave and cover it, and set the whole thing for 2 minutes (1200W; adjust as needed).

Now you’ve got a bowl full of stuff. Take it out of the microwave and grab the Creole seasoning. Add a few dashes over the top so it’s covered, but not completely covered. I mean, you can saturate the whole thing in Creole if you want. I don’t know your life. It’s not like it has any carbs in it. Now mix it all up with a fork, because you’re probably going to be eating it with a fork and there’s no sense in washing an extra piece of silverware. I assume such things are of concern to you because you’re actually following this recipe, holy shit.

At this point, it’s done.

Review

It’s actually not bad, but then again, I say that about nigh every meal I make out of random scraps, so don’t take my word for it. The Creole seasoning gets mixed up in the bean sprout juice, which makes the taste rather subtle because it’s not sticking to the solid food. With that being said, there’s going to be a lot of Creole seasoning in the liquid. That’s where most of the flavour is going. So once you get to the bottom of the bowl, the spice is going to start picking up. And once it’s all gone, there’s just all this super spicy liquid. I guess you can drink it if you’re some kind of moron who drinks Creole-bean-sprout-juice. I didn’t, because I’m not that deranged. But you can go for it. Be my guinea pig. Tell me how it goes.

This also relates to how important the level of liquid is after you’ve heated up the dish. If you want a stronger flavour, drain more, or even all, of the liquid out. I haven’t tried this, and I probably won’t, because it’s unlikely that I’m going to have the correct combination of leftover foods in my fridge to necessitate a repeat testing of this recipe. Come on. It’s called a “scrounger’s” cookbook for a reason.

This whole thing is only 5g of carbs, which is way under my requirement (honestly, I didn’t even have quite a full measurement of the ‘shrooms and sprouts to work with), so I also ate some great northern beans and mixed nuts and a big spoon of peanut butter. Don’t judge me. Don’t you dare judge me.